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Theatremonkey’s London Theatre and Concert Hall Seating Plans Guide 2021

March 9, 2021
Available exclusively at

The new book contains 62 seating plans plus a little monkey wisdom on each one, where building works are complete…

To the monkey’s knowledge, this is the first printed book of London seating plans since its own previous book in 2009.

In easy-to-read 28cm x 21cm format, the seating plans are in the same form as the beloved website and feature the very latest new versions for the Theatre Royal Drury Lane, Shaftsbury Theatre, Gillian Lynne Theatre, Lyric Theatre Shaftesbury Avenue and Her Majesty’s Theatre
– all just in time for the re-opening.

“First time in print” plans include 3 variations each for the Old Vic and Bridge Theatres.

Concert and other venues include the London Coliseum, Royal Albert Hall and SSE Wembley Arena.

Dedicated to everybody in the arts who lost everything in 2020, the book was created personally by Steve Rich at home using whatever resources were at hand during lockdown.

Published as a great hope for the future, with a return to live entertainment very soon, this new book is just £15.99 exclusively on demand at

Blogs are now on the main website

January 14, 2020 See you there!

That Insecure Feeling

December 4, 2019

This blog was drafted over a month ago. Given recent events, it seems even more relevant now…

Rightly, insurance companies are insisting on them, and entertainment venues like to be seen to be doing them. Security checks. That long line of mostly white, middle-class, middle aged and elderly people standing in the rain outside, waiting for their big moment.

Reach the front of the line, a quick peer inside with a torch, grope of the bottom of a bag (which, as a wit on notes, always makes him want to turn his head and cough) and you are inside. A little luckier and a regular, they even dispense with the grope in favour of a friendly wave. What I may have strapped to my body under my coat (or just in a pocket) is another matter of course.

Quite probably they are doing something the public don’t know about, but there’s also a chance there’s as much showbiz going on outside the foyer as there is on the stage. Truthfully, I’m not all that convinced.

Back in 2017, just months after the terrible events of Manchester Arena, I was able to simply drift in through the doors at Wembley Arena and get to my seat without a single member of staff noticing, let alone asking for a ticket or requiring any search at all.

After the concert – which ironically I booked partly as a show of defiance in the wake of Manchester – I spoke to the venue manager. Mortification didn’t begin to cover his expression, and his thanks were profuse.

The London Coliseum’s duty manager behaved in similar fashion when the same happened a few months earlier. It’s good that they take it seriously, but still…

Back in May this year, as I documented, the O2 served up an even hotter mess. For those who didn’t read my reply to a blog reader at the time, what got me really angry was the whole admission system.

First, the signs at security that you put only phones and bags in the tray. That just slowed everything down as of course the metal detectors went off for everybody with keys and wallets of change etc. The security man even said that they keep asking for the signs to be changed and that, as a regular concert-goer I was right that I should have ignored the signs and done what I usually do and transfer everything metal into a Ziploc for checking as I wait in line.

He let me through, which was nice. Only thought was that it wouldn’t pick up one of those large plastic knives you can buy online…

Then, the ticketing itself was a JOKE. Got to the rope, holding my confirmation, credit card and photo ID as I didn’t have a smartphone. The woman just told me to go through and walk to a desk inside!!!! They weren’t interested in my ID or confirmation, but swiped my credit card and produced a ticket slip like at “Hamilton.” Now, did I mention that also like at “Hamilton,” they use a “dumb terminal” and the card I used was the one I booked with BUT I had cancelled it months ago?

Of course, as nobody read the papers I had with me, and I wasn’t watched as I went to the desk, I could have just got lost in the crowd and hung about before finding any old empty seat. I’ll remember that in future…

Much worse, I could still have been carrying a plastic combat knife undetected and run amuck – and the ticketing system would have no trace of me, would it…

A deterrent is a good thing, but a bad deterrent is breached quickly. Terrorists today are unlikely to be World War Two movie Germans fooled by inflatable tanks. The new breed scout and watch – and the holes become obvious very quickly, even to harmless herbivores like the monkey. So think on…

Oh, and just to add – the monkey recently found out that it’s also perfectly possible to print a “phone only” ticket without owning a smartphone to run the app on. You can just use your desktop or laptop computer – and, for those who like keeping ticket stubs after, you will have one for your collection.

So: what you need is a program that can turn your normal computer into a smartphone to let apps work on it. Free program does just that, so download it. You can do it for Android or Apple. The monkey went with Android.

Use the “Google Play” or “Apple Store” app it comes with to go to the Google or Apple Apps store. You will need a Google or Apple account to download apps, but you probably have one anyway. If not, open one at or Apple.

Download the App the ticket company requires you to. It will appear in Bluestacks. You can then open the app on your normal computer, and navigate to your event ticket.

Take a “screen shot” of the ticket (hit the Ctrl button and Prt Scr button on your keyboard to do that). Then paste the screen shot into “Picture Manager” or any other bit of photo printing software you happen to have. Perhaps use the “crop” function to cut off the bits of the picture you don’t want and just leave the ticket. Then just print out the ticket (use “normal” or “fine” setting on the printer to ensure the colour is strong on the QR code the entry machine will read) and get it scanned on the night to get in.

Obviously, take a back-up with you on the night in case it doesn’t work for some reason, but so far so good for the monkey…


Vassa: Almeida Theatre.

November 27, 2019

(seen at the afternoon performance on 2nd November 2019)

There’s a reason Russian classic writers like Gorky are not known for comedy – it’s because he didn’t write any – to the monkey’s knowledge. Why Mike Bartlett thought he could adapt one as a farce and Tinuke Craig direct it as one in thus inexplicable.

Either way, it’s one of the least funny two hours the monkey has ever had to sit through.

The utterly unhilarious idea of a domineering “Ab Fab” matriarch, Vassa (Siobhan Redmond) ruling her roost of children, in-laws and maids may have comic potential if they are given an amusing situation to work with and the leading character isn’t an unrelenting bully sucking any fun out of proceedings.

There’s also absolutely no excuse for the violence – particularly towards maid Lipa (Alexandra Dowling, doing a very fine job under extremely trying circumstances) – and even if there were it lacks credibility particularly in the final scene.

There’s no real sense of period from the set and costumes as the former suggests turn-of-the-century, the latter more modern, and the second half flora just seems an indulgence. Still, the ceiling design is exceptionally beautiful, so not all bad from reliable Fly Davis.

The rest of the actors do what they can. Amber James gives easily the best performance as Anna, returning daughter who will one day be more than a match for her mother. As the best-written character, it’s noticeable how the pace flags when she is off stage. There’s good work too from Sophi Wu as Lyudmila and Arthur Hughes as Pavel her unlucky spouse, with Kayla Meikle as another unfortunate family victim, sorry, in-law also worthy of mention.

Two hours creep by as Vassa schemes, bullies and makes far more of the slim plot about a dying husband and perhaps poisoning others in her way than the concept requires. Playing at comic speed at least means we don’t have to wait longer to leave, but the sudden braking in pace almost causes mental whiplash and a glance at the watch to count the time down.

Quite what the reasoning behind this production was will probably forever remain a mystery. A troupe of good actors are at least employed, as are all those working on it, but honestly there didn’t seem to be any particular logic to its existence beyond maybe allowing the Almeida to tick Gorky off its Russian plays staged quota from the Arts Council.

1 star.

Disney On Ice: Wembley Arena (and touring)

November 20, 2019

(seen at the 6.30pm performance on 14th November 2019)

Feld Productions operate un-ending Disney Ice tours around the globe. Is there a reason – other than the famous brand – that they can keep going? The monkey was curious and decided to find out for itself…

…and the answer is “yes.”

This is really, genuinely, nicely done. Costumes (Scott Lane) are impressive, Adam and Melanie Wilson do well condensing the entire storylines of several recent and classic movies into short skated tales, and director Patty Vincent ensures there isn’t a dull moment.

Following a bit of fun pre-show, a 31 strong company marching-band smile and wave to the audience (especially the little ones – practically adopting the tot on the monkey’s row) before the main mouse, his better half, Goofy and Donald appear to frame our show.

Goofy and Donald want to make a movie… and Goofy doesn’t have a script. Mickey suggests using some famous Disney ideas as the basis, and Minnie thinks “Pinocchio” is the best way to start.

The toy-shop slides into view, and Pinocchio himself proves there are no strings by falling over.
This classic gives way to “Finding Nemo” as the search for Dory’s parents begins. Vivid costumes communicate the tale, and Crush is a superb piece of design, as are his young skating acolytes.

This massive “Beauty and the Beast” fan broke into a huge smile as Belle appeared, signalling that a tale as old as time was going to unfold. Soloist Olivia Oltmanns gives an impressive display before loveable Lumiere, Cogsworth and the rest tell the story. The beast transforms before our eyes, and the final duet skate is as good as any Olympic performance.

The couple set the stage for one of the best sequences in the show as Disney Princesses and their princes, past and present, appear in a series of breath-taking routines. Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Snow White, Jasmine and more, appear with partners who lift, spin and twirl them around the ice.

Younger children then react vociferously when Anna appears, heralding the start of a lengthy “Frozen” re-telling. It’s all here, an Ice Castle with Elsa rising atop it, Olaf, Kristoff, Hans… and of course “Let It Go.” There’s sunshine, fireworks and real snow, a magical way to close the first half.

Second half brings up Aladdin – well, more genies than anyone can handle  – with a carpet to follow. Short but fun, as is the next sequence – a well-updated Toy Story 4, with Forky chased by the other toys as they try convincing him of his value as a plaything rather than disposable cutlery.

Mulan follows, with some of the best costumes – loving those parasols – in the show… and a proper dragon too. A slightly untidy skating line at one point is the only flaw.

Finally there’s the love tonight for The Lion King. A proper routine as Timon and Pumbaa realise that Simba meeting Nala isn’t going to work well for their friendship. It all turns out right in the end, and the skating demonstration proves Simba and Nala are well-attuned for sure.

A colourful character parade to finish, and the show is over – feeling all too short. At 1 hour 45 including an interval, it really is a bit, and perhaps shifting one of the scenes from the first half into the second may make it feel a little more substantial.

Still, there really is something for all the family, and that does mean everybody. The youngest respond to the new characters, the teens go for Woody and Mulan, us older folk the classics. Surprisingly few on an original “date night” – yet for a couple this has to be a winner.

Fun, nicely constructed and unstinting in energy and enthusiasm, a magical night’s entertainment.

4 stars.

Blues In The Night: Kiln Theatre

October 30, 2019

(seen at the evening performance on 20th August 2019)

This summer, it appears that the Kiln Theatre has been running a “summer camp” for the cream of West End musical theatre talent to have fun, relax and enjoy themselves in front of an audience.

Sharon D Clarke (The Lady), Debbie Kurup (The Woman), Clive Rowe (The Man) and Gemma Sutton (The Girl) work their way through 27 blues numbers in an evening originally created by Sheldon Epps.

The impressive Robert Jones set is a lounge and three bedrooms in a run-down hotel. “Oscar and the Strollers” are the on-stage band, while in each room the ladies take stock of their lives past, present and future, while The Man cruises the lobby in search of whatever he can find.

The singing really is the best, and each character gets at least one solo chance to shine. Sharon D Clarke brings the house down with “Wasted Life Blues,” Clive Rowe has “I’m Just A Lucky So-And-So” just for starters.

Trouble is, there’s nothing to hang the evening on, really. It’s pretty much not only plot-less but repetitive plot-lessness. You have to be a very hard-core fan of old-time blues to distinguish between some of the numbers at times, and it all becomes overwhelmingly soporific if you can’t. The first couple of times you hear how hard life is, you sympathise. After a while, it all just blurs and even the wonderful voices become a bit of a drone.

There’s the odd humorous line – the bleakest about how older black actors can’t get work from the booking agents – and if you think a trumpet going “wa-wa-wa” is funny then that’s hilarious too.

Truth is, it’s a fantastic team and a wonderful set with talented musicians and songs which are classics of the genre. If those songs are not to your taste – as they really weren’t to the monkey, then even a two hour evening feels far longer. Five stars to the four singing stars and the Kiln for staging it, but for this monkey…

3 stars.


And that rounds up the “summer” reviews. Taking a blog break for 2 weeks, back on 20th November 2019.

The Bridges of Madison County: Menier Chocolate Factory

October 23, 2019

(seen at the afternoon performance on 18th August 2019).

Never read the book, seen the film, or heard a note of the musical. On the other hand, Jake “Adrian Mole” Brunger introduced me to the CD of “The Last 5 Years” and I’m a huge fan of “13” too – so Jason Robert Brown isn’t an unknown to me, even if this particular show is.

What to make of it? According to the programme, the storyline has been simplified considerably from the novel. Italian Francesca meets soldier Bud in Naples. Her fiancée was killed in the war, so she agrees to emigrate to Bud’s farm home in Iowa, USA.

For 20 years she lives small-town American farming life, raising two children. One wins a prize for her steer, the other rejects his agricultural heritage. While they are away with her husband at a county fair, a photographer – on assignment to record the famous local bridges – pulls into her driveway to ask directions… and her life changes for a few brief days.

It takes around 2 hours and 40 minutes to tell that story – and the downside is SPOILER ALERT there is no twist to resolve the tale. SPOILER ENDS. With that situation, you’d expect something pretty sensational from the show in the way of music, acting and characterisations. Well, as “Bat Out Of Hell” has it, two out of three ain’t bad…

As Italian Francesca, Jenna Russell is astoundingly brilliant. Worth the quite substantial ticket price just for her performance. Those who haven’t seen her before would believe she was indeed an Italian American housewife with a good singing voice who just happened to be around that afternoon.

Photographer Robert Kincaid (Edward Baker-Duly) had the women and gay men around me drooling; a sympathetic air yet something that could easily be predatory. His voice holds pretty well too – “It All Fades Away” his strongest number.

Father Richard ‘Bud’ Johnson (Dale Rapley) is suitably gruff, while children Michael (David Perkins) and Carolyn (Maddison Bulleyment in a sound profeessional debut) are convincing enough to be related.

Strong work from supporting couple Gillian Kirkpatrick and Paul F. Monaghan as neighbours Marge and Charlie – her nosey but protective, him phlegmatic as only an Iowa farmer can be (if Bill Bryson is to be believed).

Lively work as well from Georgia Brown and Shanay Holmes, the former particularly in opening the second half with a bit of a clap-along, the latter a sympathetic waitress and other characters as required.

Jon Bausor’s designs makes superb use of the enormous stage space and period dress, Tal Rosner’s projections add immeasurably to the effect. Trevor Nunn resists (mostly) his urge to throw in everything including the (pretty deep) kitchen sink in directing, and Lynne Page likewise keeps the movement real.

The trouble is, after all that effort, there’s just not enough plot to hang the length of the show on, and it didn’t really move so much as it should. Worth seeing, but really it is only Jenna Russell’s performance that would make this monkey rush back again.


4 stars.

The View Upstairs: Soho Theatre

October 16, 2019

(seen at the afternoon performance on 24th August 2019)

How far have we come with LGBTQ+ rights? This Max Vernon show makes for an uncomfortable summary, and a deeply moving exploration.

Young New York fashionista Wes (Tyrone Huntley in the performance of his life) moves back home to New Orleans and buys a burned out building for half a million dollars. In 1973 that same building was a gay bar that burned down at the cost of 32 lives – about which the city and media cared not a jot. Wes ends up back when it happened, and meets those who were there.

It’s a ghost story, a gay romance, certainly a Mass in their honour, and the whole is a privilege to watch as well as an education. Around 105 minutes without an interval is enough to learn a little about just how tough gay lives were back then – and how despite years of protest and calls for equality they are really not much better now.

The cleverness is in a book that gives each character a contrasting background linked by sexuality and the need for companionship and support that sexuality brings.

Wes has the confidence and knowledge of 2017, whatever that turns out to be. Against waif Patrick (Andy Mientus) he finds himself manipulated and manipulating, Mientus playing contrast with weight and intelligence without swamping his background situation.

Bar Keeper Henri (Carly Mercedes Dyer) has (SPOILER ALERT, if a key lyric is taken literally, gender transition SPOILER ENDS) to deal with, with philosophical fierceness. Her pianist Buddy (John Partridge) is more classic, the man with a wife at home and shreds of both relationship and career to cling to.

Freddy (Garry Lee) is a talented drag artist with sympathetic mother Inez (Victoria Hamilton-Barritt soloing with usual ability on “The Most Important Thing”).

Dale (Declan Bennett) is on the edge, wonderfully powerful-controlled acting in a pivotal role easily over-done.

Then there’s Rev. Richard (Joseph Prouse), whose prayer meeting and “Are You Listening, God?” hold meaning emphasised by well studied sympathy in performance.

Other senior Willie (Cedric Neal) provides balance and a little campness… and struck up an amusing running gag with the monkey on the corner of the front row.

Maybe not all the music lands first time on hearing (and Adam Fisher’s sound design didn’t help in the bigger numbers), but Lee Newby gives us a bar room set to be proud of, for Jonathan O’Boyle to direct very real people on.

Fabian Aloise scores another triumph with choreography on a tiny stage building huge characters, and a note too for Nic Farman whose lighting is appropriately dingy but concealing nothing.

The closing scenes are devastating, the final coda moving. There’s a full-scale two act show in here, perhaps, or maybe this thoughtful contemplation is enough. Either way, it’s a reflective experience that will sear your consciousness as much as your conscience.

4 stars.

Calendar Girls The Musical: New Wimbledon Theatre (and touring)

October 8, 2019

In an interesting quirk of fate, the monkey caught this tour in a theatre designed by the same person who designed the show’s 2017 West End home, the Phoenix. It loved the show then, apart from the depressingly army-green overbearing set. That’s now gone, replaced by a beautifully understated rural Yorkshire scene-scape from Robert Jones. With Oliver Fenwick working seasonal lighting magic, the actors have somewhere mood-perfect on which to build the story.

Nothing changes in Yorkshire, as cancer victim John “Clarkey” Clarke (Phil Corbitt) sings to open the show on a simplified – and far more effective – note than the original. This decent man-of-the-soil and his devoted wife Annie (Sarah Jane Buckley) face the worst and lose. Buckley’s “Scarborough” contrasts with “Very Slightly Almost” to rip the heart from the audience even before the show gets to its well-known theme.

Anarchic friend Chris (Rebecca Storm, with comedy magic timing) comes up with the idea of the staid Women’s Institute producing the now famous nude calendar, and the rest is how the community make it happen.

Some have the figure – Celia (Lisa Maxwell) with a neat “I’ve Had A Little Work Done.” Some find eventually liberation, Ruth (Julia Hills, wonderful depth of characterisation and duet with her Russian Friend) and retired head teacher Jessie (Ruth Madoc on intense good form). Fascinating too is vicar’s daughter and single mother Cora (Sue Devaney) whose calculations of just where the boundaries lie are an interesting watch.

A sub-plot for the various children gives Jenny (Isabel Caswell) a particular chance to shine, with Tommo (Tyler Dobbs) and Danny (Danny Howker) powerless as teenage lads are with young ladies who know. Actually, in this village, the other men – Colin (Sebastian Abineri), Rod (Ian Mercer – usual reliable amusement) and Denis (Alan Stocks) aren’t doing so well either, as their act two trio demonstrates.

Director Matt Ryan realises that the overarching theme is the series of snapshots – a world frozen in time, yet each image effecting change. The key moments are thus captured, each one – including the now legendary calendar shots themselves – made memorable as the staging reflects the concept.

The show is noticeably tighter and funnier than its West End incarnation, with a particularly good use for home-made wine suggested (if one can see to do so). With a first-rate musical score containing beautiful harmonies and the odd hilariously raucous number, the entire audience become involved enough to cheer spontaneously as photographer Lawrence (Derek Elroy with nice hesitancy) creates each month’s pose.

It’s human, very British, with deeply moving storyline, haunting music and brutally honest lyrics. Putting coins in the bucket in the foyer afterwards for the charity feels like hope on the strength of it, that even in the face of such personal suffering there are sunflowers that may grow.

If the show comes near you, don’t miss your chance to see it.


5 stars, standing ovation.

Once On This Island: Southwark Playhouse.

October 2, 2019

(seen at the afternoon performance on 17th August 2019).

Once again, the British Theatre Academy present a musical of professional quality, featuring a hugely talented cast aged under 23 who, to a young person, will be the backbone of the West End once they graduate.

The monkey only remembers the disaster that this show was, presented by a pretentious producer at the (now) Peacock Theatre in the early 1990s, with the stalls re-labelled “beach-side” or something similar. It won awards, but didn’t last; and pretty much put an end to that theatre as a mainstream musical house.

This keeps it simple, and squeezes the maximum out of what is really a pretty slim folk-tale. Orphaned in a storm, Ti Moune is adopted, re-pays her survival by saving the life of another, and learns how cruel love and life can be. Told by the gods and the islanders who believe, it’s a slice of French Antilles culture set in the Caribbean sea.

Simon Wells provides a beautiful floor map and bold island scenery at either end of the transverse stage, plus inventive “bin liner” formal party-wear that may catch on should he open a beach-shack shop somewhere. Andrew Exeter gives us storms and sunshine, but Andrew Johnson’s sound design takes longer to kick into gear, swallowing much of the early lyrics.

Lee Proud keeps the cast moving with the rhythms you would expect, yet he avoids cliché and opts for characterisation from every member of his ensemble. The car crash is neatly done (and the bed even more so), and smaller touches like the pre-show greetings and bamboo seller demonstrate thought.

Key performances from Chrissie Bhima (Ti Mourne) and Sam Tutty (Daniel) are detailed and Bhima in particular is heart-breaking.

Around them, there is remarkable work from Odelia Dizel-Cubuca as Andrea, hugely impressive Aviva Tulley (Erzule), towering connectivity with the audience from Martin Cush (Papa Ge) and notable voices every cast member – those sitting by the monkey’s seat to sing, in particular.

Lynn Ahren’s book isn’t complex, but there is charm in the episodic construction, and the lyrics are stronger. Stephen Flaherty gives a couple of strong songs, “The Human Heart” may break it, and both “Waiting For Life” and “Some Girls” are decent numbers. This isn’t Sondheim or even Boublil and Schonberg, but it’s diverting and suits this particular company well.

Probably not a show that will be presented commercially in London again, this is a rare chance to see it. Can’t make the French Antilles this year? Don’t worry! This stunning ensemble – all under 23 – bring the huge heart, warmth, rhythms, sights and sounds direct to London. The only holiday you need.


4 stars.