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The Worst Jobs in Theatre.

May 27, 2015

Aside of course from mine, at times, particularly on a Friday afternoon around 6pm when a slew of new offer emails arrive, or if I’ve paid to sit through what turns out to be a very long evening indeed.

So, what others can I think of?

The person who has to launder all the Lycra for the cast of “Cats.” Well, unless it’s a fetish of course (I’ve not Googled to find out as I understand they record searches…).

Cleaner after a panto matinee. ‘Nuff said.

Barman on stage at “Once: The Musical”. Endless moans over prices. It was a themed setting you paid for, you know.

Sound designer at the British Mime Festival.

Box office staff at the Cumberbatch Hamlet. Talk about “Groundhog Day.” Phone rings: “any tickets?” “No”. And it’s been going on for them since last August, and will go on for them until this October. No wonder the Barbican has block-booked a psychiatric ward for November…allegedly…

Being the chandelier rope holder at “The Phantom of the Opera.” What a life. Turns up for work, hauls the rope to raise the thing to the theatre ceiling, stands on the rope through act 1, takes foot off at the rope at the crucial moment. Then, while everyone else has a drink, spends the interval hauling on the rope to get the hook out of the way. Stands on rope again for rest of show. Lets it drop and goes home. Done twice on matinee days.

Usher at the Dorfman Theatre. That place is so flexible in layout, and can change several times a week… plus they can get allocated to the other 3 venues in the National complex. How do they remember exactly where to send the customers?

Confetti maker at “Sunny Afternoon.” I’m assuming this is automated. Place a sheet of paper on a bench, lower the cutter, voila. Quite fun for 10 minutes, but knocking out a million 5x1cm rectangles all day, every day, and loading them into a bag. That’s job satisfaction, not.

Billboard poster at “The Mousetrap.” Turn up once a year to update the cast photographs. And, er, that’s about it. A sort of doss, except for the boredom, I suppose.

Theatre, it’s not all fur coats and after-show parties after all, is it…



I’m taking a blog break next week, so back on the 10th June. See you then.

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