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When I Grow Up

December 11, 2013

A very decent act two opener at “Matilda,” with all the things children plan on doing when they can make their own choices. Eating sweets on the way to work and staying in bed all day are just two.

In a reflective mood, I thought I’d think about a few things you don’t worry about until you are older.

House prices. You live in one, but don’t know what it costs or how it’s paid for. This leads to, “the boss” (unless, like me, you are the boss, in which case substitute “the state of the economy.”) Supermarket prices. Apparently, the fridge doesn’t fill itself. Energy bills and basically any bills. Boring stuff like that. What about other stuff, though?

That everybody you used to hold in authority – doctors, policemen… are now younger than you but still have more power than you do.

Nobody younger than you can do mental arithmetic or survive without a portable phone / computer… and they can WORK them.

What that hottie in the supermarket aisle thinks of you… then realising that as you are that much older than them now… you are in fact invisible.

Are the electrical items you buy good value and will last a long time?

Are the clothes you buy going to be warm enough?

Those aches aren’t “growing pains” any more… so what the hell are they? And what might happen if they mean something…

How come that series I loved so much 20 years ago now looks so dated on re-run?

How come I can’t find a sitcom that’s funny and features normal middle-class families like the ones we used to laugh at any more?

Why isn’t my family like the ones on those old sitcoms?

And finally,

What do I do if the kids turn out like me?!!!!


And on that note: can any reader help me with a bit of a question, please? I’ve been asked, as part of a charity event, to buy a gift suitable for a child in the age range 6 to 12, costing £20 or less. Not having kids myself and not knowing anyone with any in that age range, does anyone have suggestions for what is currently popular? Either reply on this blog, tweet me on @theatremonkey1 or email to the usual website address. Thanks!


  1. December 16, 2013 6:37 am

    Theatre Monkey, we must be around the same age as I share many of these feelings! (And now I have “When I Grow Up” stuck in my head – luckily it’s a tune I enjoy!)

    Last year I bought one of my nephews a book from the Diary of A Wimpy Kid range and he loved it. I have bought him another one for this year. For girls, I suggest anything related to Tangled (or Frozen, to be really up to date) from the Disney store.

    Happy shopping!

    • Steve Rich permalink
      December 16, 2013 1:26 pm

      I’m guessing we could be… and that flippin’ tune was going through my head when I wrote that item as well. Not bad, though, is it.

      Very helpful on the books and Disney items, much appreciated. So difficult to figure out all the different stuff, and it’s kind of you to take the time.

      Thanks so much again and all the best,

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