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A Secret Of Life

July 6, 2011

It seems to be fashionable at the moment to live life as an internet list. Obviously, a terminally ill child’s ‘wish list’ isn’t in that category (and if I ever get my turn as ‘Ruler Of The Universe,’ my first action will be making “terminally ill children” a myth) but there is much amusement to be had at what a fiancée shouldn’t do under her prospective mother-in-law’s roof (whether it’s a true email or a stunt), and also in “Things to do before you are 60.”

I was going to take that as my subject for the blog, but realised that I’d never bothered to think about that kind of thing, and wasn’t about to do so now. I’m with Yoda on this one, “Do, or don’t do” – and so I don’t really have a list. In desperation for something to post, I asked Mr P for his list instead…

…It turns out that he has one, but as those who are fans of Mr P on this blog (rather a lot, enough that he is thinking of his own Facebook page for them, apparently) could probably guess, it isn’t suitable for a ‘family blogging site.’ Further, once you’ve taken out the more peculiar, illegal and actually ‘impossible given the limitations of human body design,’ there aren’t any left.

So instead, I thought I’d consider the secret of life. Thinking hard for almost ten minutes while showering, I realised what it was… and it’s this…

“Don’t ever allow the stress of a ringing telephone to interrupt play.”

Not quite as elegant as “42,” but then I’m writing for men* not mice.

For those who require me to show my calculations (and no, that’s not quoting from Mr P’s list – at least, not in the same context), here they are:

At 5 months old, you stress when the telephone rings because you were asleep, dreaming of all the times you can relax and simply play.

At 5 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because it has disturbed your play.

At 15 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because it might be the football team’s captain finally asking you to turn out to play.

At 25 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because it might be the call to say that the band at your wedding can’t play.

At 35 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because it might be somebody cancelling your hope of them having your children over to play.

At 45 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because of what your kids might have done when somebody left them alone to play.

At 55 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because it might be the call to say that the band at your kid’s wedding can’t play.

At 65 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because it might be the golf club captain finally asking you to turn out to play.

At 75 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because they are calling right in the middle of your enjoyment of a play.

At 85 years old, you stress when the telephone rings because you were asleep, remembering all the times you could relax and simply play.

Simple really, isn’t it?

 

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*Women too of course, but it’d spoil a neat literary reference. I’m sure ladies will understand, thank you all.

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